I feel like I've learned so much this week, but a recurring theme that has really imprinted itself upon my heart is that everything happens for a reason. For example, at the beginning of the week Sister Bybee and I called all of the scheduled events for the weekend to confirm and work out details. Every single one of them cancelled. That never happens. It was crazy! Apparently there was something else the Lord needed us to do! So we prepped ourselves for a long week in the office and tackled some of our projects!
Luckily the weather has been nice of us for us to walk to and from the office every day. I think I would have gone crazy if we didn't get a chance to stretch our legs! And that gives us a chance to contact people. :) At the office, Sister Bybee and I worked on creating a new temple video, did lots of research for our Primary event, worked on the New Member Brochure and re-vamped our Facebook page! (You should check it out--it has pictures of the PVC, some videos we show, and we're going to start updating our statuses to show off what we're doing at events! www.facebook.com/mbmpvc .) Lots and lots of great things that would probably bore you if I explained. . . but the end product you'll love!
In the middle of the week, randomly, we got a call from the Longfellow Park Sisters, who wanted to see if we happened to be free Sunday to attend a baptism of theirs! I am so grateful they called us. That was definitely a huge part of the reason our other events cancelled. That baptism was amazing and so worth going to. This sweet, sweet woman named Nadia was baptized. Sister Couto and I had given her a tour through the PVC before. Her story is amazing and she is a very special person. She recognized truth when she saw it, and she understood the importance. She invited so many of her friends to come, and while she was getting changed, we showed the videos on our Jesus Christ display. One of her good friends was in tears the whole time. I love when the PVC makes a difference. I wish you could all have heard her tender, emotional testimony. The bishop also, surprisingly, turned the time over to us after we showed the videos. So we had the unique opportunity to verbally testify of the Savior at a baptism. I love my Savior. I am grateful for that opportunity.
Another reason why I've been thinking about how everything happens for a reason is Sister Bybee. She's the greatest. All of my companions have been so different from each other, but I love them all so much. I have learned so much from her already. She's really smart and makes connections I never would have made. She puts things into a beautiful perspective for me. We have the most meaningful talks and companionship studies, and we've already been able to be a much-needed support to each other. We came together at exactly the right point in our missions. I know Heavenly Father wanted us to be friends, I know that this is how He wanted us to bond, and I know He is in the details.
Now I have to tell you a little about today! Today was crazy!!!!!! SOOOOO crazy. Happy Patriot's Day! That's a big big deal here in New England. Which is so fun. :) Also, today was MARATHON day! And the Red Sox game. So here's what happened. President Packard looooves history. To the point where he gave all of the closest zones permission to see the reenactment of the Battle of Lexington at 6:00 AM! It's a big event. We had to be there at 4:00 AM only to see it! And that means I was awake at 3 this morning. Also, I drive a Spaceship, so I was the chauffeur for many missionaries. :) It was about a 20 minute reenactment of how the American Revolution started, right there in Lexington Square, where it really happened. It was really neat! The Revolution opened the doors for the Restoration! This is sacred history! I'm in a sacred place. :)
After the reenactment, we drove back, shopped, and headed into Boston! The roads were a nightmare. So many of the main roads were blocked off for the marathon. I must have turned around 20 times. We were all going crazy! But we finally made it, parked in Cambridge, and walked over into Boston to see the marathon and explore. We had so much fun! The only problem was it rained. Really really really badly. Combined with how far we had to walk, and the drop in temperature, it was pretty miserable by the end. Looked like I'd gone for a swim! I'm still warming up, and I'm pretty sure my hair hasn't been this curly since I lived in Florida! I'll attach some pictures though. It was so fun. :) Lots of missionaries went to the Red Sox game, too.
Thanks for everything! Keep me posted on life, and I'll report about a lot of events next week--we have a full upcoming schedule!
Wasn't Easter Weekend and General Conference wonderful?? It was the perfect upliftment I needed, complete with personal revelation and stirrings of the Spirit! I hope we'll all run, not walk, to take this inspired counsel to better ourselves and to depend more and more upon our Savior, Jesus Christ.
I have had a crazy whirlwind of a week. :) Lots of crazy news--lots of crazy happenings! Here's the skinny--
The first half of the week was a little less frantic. We actually drove to Belmont on Tuesday! My last area! On the way to a meeting, we stopped in to see Susan, if you remember her! She's the greatest. :) I love seeing friends again. Her tummy is bigger than ever, and she's glowing with excitement to be a mom! We had a great chat with her and her husband, then took off for our meeting with Sister Sattler, the Primary President of Belmont 1st ward. She's the greatest! She invited her secretary to the meeting, and we spent over two hours brainstorming and planning for the amazing Primary PVC events we're going to start! I'm so excited--this is so inspired. I'll have to share with you videos we're making and pictures of the activities we're going to do!
I can't resist. Skipping ahead to the big news. Friday morning, during companionship studies, our phone rang. It was President and Sister Packard. We were cheerful and totally oblivious, and he said, "Sister Couto! You're getting released as a Portable Visitors' Center Sister and called to be a Sister Training Leader! How do you feel about that?" Whaaaat???? We were sure we had another transfer together!!!! I'm always wrong, I know, but. . . still!!! We could hardly believe it. He told her she'd be close if I needed her help with the Adobe Programs and such. He told me my new companion was a "Spanish speaker with fire!" And then he hung up! So that left us speculating and going crazy for the next few hours, until transfer texts came in at 1:00. Hahahaha, Sister Couto is transferred to Weston 2nd ward! Which means she's in my old area, in my district, and now my Sister Training Leader! How crazy is that? As for my new companion, it'sSister Bybee!!!! Do you remember when Sister Godoy and I split up to train? Well Sister Godoy left me to train Sister Bybee. She's awesome and confident and funny and brilliant. I'm so excited!!!!
Okay, so we got T-texts when we were packing up the Spaceship at the Storage Unit, then we took off for our next events! We took the long drive to Norwich, CT. That's where the next Missionary Easter Fireside was going to be. I was pretty bummed that we weren't going to be watching it again. It was so good. Waterbury had booked us for a chapel tour, though, so all we could do was set up a display in Norwich before heading out to the tour. The missionaries let us in, then left for an appointment. Miracle happened here. While setting up, we realized we were missing part of the display, so we ran out to the Spaceship to grab it. When we turned back around, we realized a few things very quickly. 1) All of the chapel doors were locked. 2) Our phone was inside the chapel. 3) No one was even close to our area.
I think our reaction was a mark of the faith we've developed as missionaries. In this dire situation, (we were also on an inescapable time-crunch) within seconds we were on our knees, praying on the sidewalk for guidance and direction. We expressed our knowledge that He is mindful of us and all-powerful, that He could help us, and then we stood to try all of the chapel doors, just to make sure. When we got to the last one and found it locked, I noticed a keypad by the door--one that I knew held a key to the chapel inside. It was one of those that you have to spin to the right number combination before it unlocks. I said another quick prayer in my head and followed the prompting to try changing the very last number on the keypad. I started at zero and started going up, and at five, it clicked open, and there was a key to the chapel. Before even unlocking the door, we were back on our knees, thanking our Father in Heaven for his hand in our lives and his immediate answer to our plea for help.
After that miracle, we raced over to the Waterbury Chapel (1 1/2 hour drive) and set up for a church tour there! We had a mixture of Spanish and English displays to accommodate the diversity. A lot of missionaries were there, and I was truly impressed with the turn-out of members and less-actives! We felt the Spirit as we gave tours in different languages. I love guiding tours and testifying of the truths I know.
When the event ended, we took down everything and drove back to Norwich. We must have gotten to bed at midnight (different schedule as a PVC sister) and had to wake up early the next morning! We hear the Fireside went well, and we took down the display and drove to Brockton to set up another! Then we drove all the way back home, making it in time for the first session of General Conference with the Algers. :) They're so sweet. They had a wonderful lunch out for us. General Conference was incredible! I hope everyone enjoyed it as much as I did! Second session of General Conference we enjoyed at the Dowlings' home! They're as wonderful as ever!
Easter Sunday was beautiful--and the most chaotic. I'm grateful for the trust I have in my Savior making up for all of my short-comings and mistakes, otherwise I don't think I would have made it through yesterday! After a fabulous Easter breakfast with the Algers, the Johnsons, and the Marlborough Elders (picture included) we drove into Boston for our first ever Portuguese Chapel Tour! It was Sister Couto's first area, and she was so excited. Unforunately, we weren't as prepared as we should have been. While Sister Couto was setting up the displays, I was frantically trying to download the last Portuguese videos we'd created/cut onto all of the iPads. We finished setting everything up, enjoyed the morning session of General Conference immensely, then ran to start tours. Everything seemed to go wrong. Videos wouldn't play, sound would cut out, screens would go black, adapters wouldn't work, Apple TVs refused to connect-- everything. Somehow, somehow, the Elders giving the tours managed to play a few things and let those on tours still feel the Spirit. We still don't know what happened. We're going to test run everything before she leaves.
I loved the rest of General Conference. I can't wait to put what I learned into action, and continue to dance to the music of the gospel. I can't wait to become more of what my Father in heaven sees that I can become. I'm nervous to show a new companion what being a Portable Visitors' Center missionary is all about, but it's overshadowed by the confidence that I have in the Lord preparing the way before me. As I push forward in faith, I'll be able to accomplish with Sister Bybee and the Lord much, much more than I could ever hope to on my own. Please pray that I'll be able to figure out these advanced Adobe programs quickly, so I can create Haitian Creole translated videos successfully (among other projects)!
Thanks for everything! I love you and pray for you all, and I'm grateful beyond words for the support and love I feel from home!
Can you believe I'm on companion 11??? That's crazy. :) I have to tell you about my new companion! Sister Bybee is great! I love her lots. She's so smart, extremely good with people, confident, and funny! She's an English major, like me. We laugh at the same things, notice the same things, say the same phrases. We're both on a fabulous health kick, and I'm confident we're going to have an incredible transfer. She's already adjusting to the PVC quite nicely. :)
So transfer meeting was beautiful, as usual. The departing testimonies were inspiring and the greenies have fire! I said goodbye to Sister Couto (but not really--she's my Sister Training Leader) and we were off on a new chapter of our missions! Here's the really funny thing--our Open House Events this weekend were in Providence SP and Central Falls. Both of our old areas!!! Pretty great!
It was so much fun. Both tours had success, but not as much as they had potential for. We talked about training the missionaries instead of the members. I like that idea. If we go to Zone Conferences and explain to the missionaries how they can make the PVC the most successful in their area, we could really start moving mountains.
I got to see Bishop, the Frandsens, Sister Gaboriault, Diane, and I even stopped by the Barnwells and Danielle!!!! It's always great to see old friends. Haha, and at the same time we were at these events, Sister Couto and Sister Asay took another display to a Family History Convention. So great to have a Sister Training Leader who can really help out with the PVC! It was a little stressful, though, because we didn't give them the base for the poles and they had to drive down and meet up with us. . . Ahh! It all worked out. Our technology glitches are killing me, though. We can't figure them out. And adapters break so easily.
It's fun showing someone what being a Portable Visitors' Center Sister is all about! Prayers would be appreciated. We've got a lot to do!
Are you so excited?? I'm so excited. There's a special fervor in the mission during Easter time. I remember it last year and I'm feeling it now. And not only do we get Easter, but General Conference this weekend!!!
So many amazing things happened this week, and I'm behind in my journal. Ahh! At least I get to spill out a weekly account to you! :) Ready for this week's adventures?
Wednesday we took the drive down to Providence and stayed with Sister Bastchi and Sister Vaai again! They're so great. We got up early and from there, drove to the Warwick chapel and set up all of our displays for a church tour! Only this one was particularly special. A couple of months ago, a homeschooling group of mothers called and asked if they could have a tour of the building and a basic explanation of our beliefs. How amazing is that? I'm so glad the Warwick Ward reached out to us; that's exactly what we're all about! :) A bunch of members came to clean, provide refreshments and support us, four Elders were there, everyone was so excited, and the group came! Sister Couto and I led a very large tour group through the whole building, hitting each of our stations. It was amazing. Probably one of the best PVC experiences I've had. The group had great questions, they loved the videos, members and missionaries equally testified, they felt the spirit, and we covered so much doctrine. They understood the significance of the Restoration, and I think their favorite station was our display on the temple. They literally just sat there with a million questions, wanting to watch every video we had. It was so moving. I am grateful that the Spirit put words in my mouth and gave me confidence to answer questions and testify.
After that incredible experience, Sister Couto and I went on splits with Sister Bastchi and Sister Vaai! Teaching in a home, like normal missionaries do!!! :) :) Sister Vaai and I went out. Both of our appointments cancelled, but somehow we ended up teaching in homes anyway. It was so fun. I brought along an iPad so we could show some amazing videos, and without any planning, Sister Vaai and I taught the Restoration and left with a new investigator! So amazing!
The next day was the Stake Easter Fireside at the Warwick chapel! :) Missionary Easter Fireside. Only missionaries spoke and performed, and we put everything together. It was perfect. We didn't have to touch the displays. We just left them up, and made sure our videos that were supposed to play in the background of some songs were working. Elder Nelson stuck me in charge of the lights last second, too.
Oh my goodness, I wish everyone could have seen that Fireside. It was so powerful. We have some talented missionaries. One of the songs, "Gloria" from The Lamb of God, was earth-shaking! Hence the subject line. :) I felt the Spirit testify of the divinity of my Savior so many times, I felt so much love for people I barely knew, and when President Packard stood and sang, I broke down into tears. I love the gospel. I'm so grateful that we celebrate Easter--it's a sacred time.
One more night with the Sisters in Warwick, then we were off to Springfield, Massachusetts! We only stayed there for a birthday party. Quite a few non-members were there, though, and everyone was fascinated with the display by their gym door. :D I seized the opportunity to finish a project we've been working on. It's a brochure for new members -- a step-by-step guide for them to follow as they continue to claim all of the blessings the Lord has in store for them! :) It was so fun to design! I'll send you the finished product. Probably next week, because President Haight is going to review and fix it!
Last night we attended one more Easter Fireside, but this one was a lot smaller. It was for the Littleton ward, and they had this cute idea of songs from a variety of people who had seen the Savior. Jarius's daughter, Mary Magdalene, Joseph Smith, a woman in the Americas. It was a wonderful presentation!
Well, that's about all! Hope you have a great week! Hope you receive many answers to your prayers and a spiritual upliftment this General Conference!
This transfer has been FLYING. I thought the last one went by fast. . . but transfers are in 2 weeks. I thought for sure we just had transfer meeting.
This week we got a lot of things done in the office! It has been super fun. I wish I could adequately explain what we do! Sister Couto and I have a system going. She's on the laptop, cutting and adding to videos, putting in Spanish/Portuguese audio and fixing the background music. I'm on the iPad, figuring out the configurations, downloading all of the videos into the right button on the right exhibit, organizing, deleting, adding and arranging videos. The Visitors' Center app is looking beautiful! We have some of the greatest videos on there. We're really prepped for some great events!
Speaking of great events, we had a unique one this week! We took the drive to Billerica for a "U-night". The missionaries got the idea from the book The Power of Everyday Missionaries by our very own Clayton Christensen. The concept is that the Bishop calls "Proselyting Families" to bring a family to the "U-night". There these people hear testimonies of the restored gospel from a return missionary, a recent convert, and the bishop. At the end, they're invited to take the lessons. Billerica was so excited for this idea that they scheduled four of them, and called for the Portable Visitors' Center to come and be the main event! Since it was just the first time, investigators and less-actives came, and we tested it out. It was so beautiful and powerful. They showed some of our strongest videos throughout the program, broken up by the different testimonies. Sister Couto and I were asked to talk to them as well. We stood and testified of the Book of Mormon answering specific questions of your heart. It doesn't matter what question it is, universal or personal, you can find an answer as you read the Book of Mormon. It was a neat experience to stand and teach and testify and back up the words of the prophets that spoke in the videos.
Another adventure: We were so double-booked on Saturday, so for the first time ever, Sister Couto and I went on splits to travel to two events! Our friends and Sister Training Leaders, Sister Francis and Sister Asay, happily came with us. Sister Francis and Sister Couto took the Spaceship and drove down to Central Falls. I know, I know, but it was for a tour with the Spanish branch, and since I still don't speak Spanish. . . Sister Asay and I were to go to Nashua, New Hampsire!
First, that morning, we attended an 8-year-old baptism in Weston with one of the displays! That was neat, because I remember and love that family. Weston 1st ward goes all out for baptisms. You should have seen the food tables after--I thought I was at a wedding. Then we were supposed to load the Party Bus (the name of the other, if smaller van in the mission) but when I jumped in the driver's seat, I realized that the left mirror was missing and that the tire pressure was low. No bueno. After a quick moment of panic, Sister Asay had a great idea, and we frantically switched vehicles with the moving Elders and jammed all of our equipment into their truck! Whew!
New Hampsire! I'd never been there before! It looks like the rest of New England, but it's colder. :) They had a fabulous event planned with a lot of non-members in attendance. "Culture Night", where families with different backgrounds all brought dishes from their homeland. So there was a feast and performances and fun stuff. We set up our two displays and the Book of Mormon roundtable, since the rest of the equipment was with our companions. It went well, except half-way through a kid somehow turned off one of the iPads and tried the password a million times. That locked us out for an hour. :P
But all in all, it was a success, and I had so much fun getting to know Sister Asay! She's the greatest. :)
Yesterday I went to the most beautiful 8-year-old baptism I've ever seen. This girl is special. She's from the Cambridge Spanish Ward, and she was so moved by the Spirit and the significance of the covenant that she was making and the support she had that she was in tears the entire time. She even stood up and bore her testimony. I have never seen Sister Couto cry so much!
That's my life in New England. I'm so grateful for the rich opportunities my Father in Heaven has blessed me with. And I'm grateful for all of you, and the support you give me!
Ready for another week-of-adventures report?? :) I love the mission! I witness so many miracles every single day.
This week I had the longest streak away from our apartment. We spent five days in Connecticut.Five days with four roommates (English and Spanish Sisters) in a teeny little apartment. At least we love each other! :D So Thursday we took off for Trumbull, Connecticut. That's the farthest drive we have in the mission. If you remember, not too long ago we went there to train the youth on how to give tours!
We got there and set up the whole shebang. The Trumbull Chapel looked fantastic with all eight of our displays around the building. That night was a big scout night. For some reason I was expecting the PVC to be a pretty backdrop for their event, but it was incredibly successful! Scouts and their parents accepted our invitation to tour the building and watch the videos! We gave a lot of tours. It's incredible to give tours and to testify of the truths in the videos. I was so happy!
We kept the displays up for the scheduled Open House the next day. The Trumbull Elders and Sisters had talked it up so much and invited everyone under the sun! Again, I was worried, because we've seen really slow open houses when there isn't much foot traffic in the area, but these missionaries had worked so hard, and their efforts paid off. Investigators, less-actives, non-members and members alike came through for the entire four hour block. We were so busy! Allof the missionaries were giving tours! It was incredible. I wish I could take each of you through on a tour so that you'd understand what it's like!
We took all of the displays down that night and re-packed the Spaceship. After another night in that teeny apartment, and then we got up extra early for a detour! See, we had promised Ashford we'd get over to their chapel for a baptism. So we drove another 3 hour round trip to bring 2 displays to the event. It was a beautiful baptism. We don't go to many 8-year-old baptisms, but it was fun. The girl was so sweet. The mother had specific Mormon Messages she wanted us to play while her daughter was getting dressed, so we quickly downloaded them, and of COURSE had some more opposition and technical difficulties during our air time. Sheesh. But it worked out.
We drove back to the New Haven stake, but to their stake center to set up for Stake Conference! We had underestimated how long it would take, so we frantically ran around, trying to get everything set up in time. I tell you, I'm getting really good at speed set-up. :) We finally figured everything out, and even sang in the choir for Saturday night stake conference!
Sunday stake conference! Everything seemed to go wrong! None of our electronics were working. I don't know how we made it through the day. It was truly a series of tender mercies. We were so tired, but somehow all of our tours were successful, and everything seemed to work last second. We even talked to a bunch of Bishops and Stake Presidents who want to book us directly now!
Stayed through another Restoration Fireside. I'll never get tired of that. :) But I was getting sick and so exhausted, so by the end of the night I was dreading taking everything down and loading it. Thankfully, tons of wonderful missionaries rushed to our aid, and we were packed and back at the sisters' apartment in no time!
We drove home today. Which took out a bunch of time for our P-day, which is why I'm emailing you so late. We got to extend our P-day time. But I have to book it now!!! Wish I could have given you more details!
This week was so incredible! We had a lot of neat opportunities and we felt the Spirit so strongly. I love love love being a missionary. I am so blessed to be here in the MBM!
Let me start with our trip to Trumbull, Connecticut. It's the farthest drive we have in the mission from our home. 2 1/2 hours. They asked us to come out to train their youth at a mutual on how to give tours and get them to participate in the Church Tour they have coming up. We packed up our entire set-up and took the drive out! Haha, we ran out of things to talk about, so Sister Couto is now teaching me Portuguese on the drives. With road trips like this, I'll be fluent before I come home. :D
It was an incredible experience! We set up everything we have, and then about 20 youth showed up for our training! The Elders in the area helped us out a ton, but we played a game to get them excited, then we took them on a tour. I was worried we wouldn't be enough fun for them, but they seemed to enjoy themselves. They really got thinking about their friends that could benefit from these videos, and they paid extra-close attention because they knew that they'd be giving the tours themselves in a couple of weeks! :) And at the end, we had a discussion to combat their fears of sharing the gospel and issued a challenge with the Elders. Boys vs. girls competition! Everyone got a stack of invitations. 1 point for every rejection, 2 points for every maybe, 3 points for every yes, and an additional 5 points if they actually show up for a tour! Winners get a special treat provided by the missionaries. They were so pumped! Nothing like a competition to motivate the youth!
We spent the night with the Trumbull/Trumbull SP Sisters. 6 of us in that little apartment! And we're planning on staying there for four days this coming week! It'll be fun! I love love meeting all of the missionaries in the mission. I make new, amazing friends wherever I go. These missionaries are all stellar, hardworking, fun, obedient missionaries. Anyway, we got stuck there for awhile in the morning because of another snow storm, but we finally made it home!
We had Zone Conference this week! It was amazing, as usual. I can't even begin to describe it. The entire mission presidency was able to make it. President Packard, whom I love so dearly, President Clayton Christensen, who is the single most brilliant business man in the world (so the studies say) and is very ill, and President Haight, who is filled with so much charity and who made a covenant with the Lord to share the gospel with someone every day for the rest of his life. The three most inspired men that I know personally. All of them spoke to my heart, answered questions I've been searching for answers to, and inspired me to consecrate myself more completely.
After Zone Conference, the Algers (replacement for the Vails) took us to the Cheesecake Factory! Um, I'm spoiled. They're the sweetest! I'm grateful that they work with us in the office now!
Saturday we took another drive. 1 1/2 hours to get to Ludlow, MA. Elder Terry serves there! Good to see an old friend again (I've been around in the mission AWHILE. . . ) and his companion is great, too! It was the first time they've ever had the PVC, and we came for a baptism. This sweet, 85 year old woman entered the baptism. Isn't that amazing? I love how people can be so open to the gospel even in their old age. It was a beautiful baptism, and there were quite a few non-members there--her family that came to support her. I hope the videos we shared touched them.
Yesterday was one of the sweetest days in my mission. :) Guess where I went? My favorite-est place ever. Central Falls, Rhode Island! We went to Central Falls to do a training for the Spanish Ward on how to make their chapel tour effective. So we went early so I could go to my favorite ward and see people! It was amazing. I gave so many hugs and got tackled by kids and nearly cried so many times! I love the Lorencos, the Whites, the Rhodericks, the Tanners, Sister Gaboriault, Lovely, everyone!!!! It completely made my day!
Our training went pretty well. It was a little rough, because the translation slowed everything down, but I think they're excited to invite their friends to a chapel tour. And after that, we scrambled over to Sister Shea's home! How I've missed her! She's my Rhode Island mom. She fed us a wonderful dinner and caught me up on Rhode Island life. And then she spoiled us with a bunch of little presents. :) She's so motherly and funny and wonderful, and I was so happy.
We stopped by one more home before we traveled back. Sister Barnwell and CC! And the rest of the family. :) The first two weren't able to make it to church today. CC's been really sick again. But I hammered on the door, and there were so many screams and hugs!!! :') We had a wonderful catch-up. It's amazing to me how the Spirit is there for reunions, too. Especially with people you've had spiritual experiences with. I reminded CC that I'm still holding out on President Haight's blessing, where she was promised she'd be healed within a year. I can't wait. They are so strong.
That's my crazy, amazing life! I am so grateful for your support and love! I gotta run, but remember that you're all in my prayers!
Oh, one more thing. I'm hitting my year mark this week. It's amazing. I've grown so much, changed so much, but I still have eons to go. I want you to all know that the gospel is true. My mission has changed not only my life, but me, in ways I can't even comprehend or try to explain to you.
